I sure wish i had something witty or deep to share for all one of my readers.

I don't. However, a personal conviction i have had to NOT indulge myself in a

ridiculous pity party has reiterated itself to me. what is it, you ask? Ok, twist my arm.

Here goes nothing; four years ago I had to hVE hysterectomy due to severe

endometriosis. BLAH. TRIPLE BLAH, as I was raised in a amazing family and have

my original birth parents, which is quite unusual these days! I digress; for as long as I can

remember 5 have wanted to be a mom. I wanted to have that family like the one I was

raised in from birth to my {cough cough } 37 yrs of age. A close Italian/Irish family

that I grew up in.

We weren't rich by any means; that simply didnt matter. We had an over abundance

of love and joy. Our house was the halfway house for my 3 bothers and I friends.

The holidays were open door policies as were Birthdays and any time friends wanted

to hang. Needless to say, this is the family of my own I desired since I was 10 yrs.

I badly wanted to make my house a safe haven for troubled friends of my children.

I wanted 2-3 boys. I had it all planned out, names included.... though I suppose, as

they say, "the best laid plans...."

I have repressed all these feelings for the last 4 years because, being raised

with 43 bothers you learn to not be a baby. However, this year on mothers day something

happened.... a breakdown.... yes, ours truly lost it! I wont fill you in on the pathetic details,

or the way i tried to deal with the horrid pain. I know people mean well when they say

" you can always adopt...." ya, not so much. at this point we have just enough money to

to survive. And we are so behind on bills as I have been out of work for the last 9 mos

, just beginning a new job 1 and a half weeks ago. Not to mention I am 37 and a half

yrs old and have looked into those requirements, they dont let you adopt once you

turn 40! UGH!!!!! Blah blah blah ; poor pity party me!!!! WHATEVER!!!

I have SO much to be thankful for! I have an AMAZING family; couldn't

survive w/out them! Not to mention my INCREDIBLE, TOLERANT husband and my fabulous

understanding in-laws {whom i absolutely ADORE!!!!} my long winded point is I know

that I have absolutely NO reason or justification to have a pity party for myself!!!

So this is me saying no more letting me get this down and depressed. Be thankful for all

the support I have and repress the rest for another 4 or 5 years! Hey, it worked GREAT

for the past 4!!! I have all men in my life so they dont wanna hear this wussy B.S.!

There are soooo many people w/REAL problems; my best friend of 20 years topping the list

as she has a terminal disease known as Wegners Granulomatosis. She is on oral steroids.

not to mention she has 3 most beautiful children ages 5, 12 ad 17. AND her husband had been

having an affair on her for the last 4 yrs and they FINALLY separated 1 yr ago with the

divorce pending....{ it's complicated....} . Sheeewww, ok, I am furious about all these issues so I

will wrap it up.

It's a Mad World. No more pity party time for me, I PROMISE!!!! { At least not for

another 4 years!!!} Repression is the answer, I don't care what anyone else says!

So thats that! Hope all for of you enjoyed my totally upbeat post... hahaha; sarcasm

much?! Hope you are all doing well.... hug someone you love { and give 'em an x-tra

hug from the CRAZY BLOG LADY!!!!

Until Niagra Falls

Yours Sincerely and Truly

Just me; Superchance OUT!

The BLAHs

What the heck is going on with me? Depression. Big bad psycho depression. And I had to get out of the house today so I went to my brothers restaurant. I wasn't even hungry. But I knew Matt would be there and that he would hug me. And probably feed me some of that delicious food they make there so I didn't see any cons to stopping in.

And he was there. And he did hug me. And he fed me (which I don't need, but to hell with it). And it was the first time in two weeks that I felt calm and not all full of anxiety. I had a delicious Black Olive cheeseburger. They actually stuff the burger with whatever cheese you want and they cooked it ( or rather DIDN'T cook it) RARE!!! YES. I am no vegetarian. I love very rare cold red center beef. And it was PERFECT! And I smiled. Not just the smiles I have been forcing on my face for the last few weeks, but an actual smile. It was THAT good.

And I took my time, read the book I brought with me and chatted with Gregory the bartender. And it was good.

It's like I have my own personal CHEER's . I know everyone ( almost) and they know me. It's so cool. So I left after a couple of hours feeling a little bit better.

The blues and anxiety aren't gone. And I'm sure they'll probably get worse again. But for a few hours today I was with family and I was happy.

Don't really know how to shake this off.... but right now I plan to just pick one of my favorite movies and have a Dr Pepper and try to ignore how glum I am. Whoever said ignoring a situation doesn't make it better? I am going to try to disprove that theory right now,

Until next time, when hopefully I will have something cheerful to say.....